Tuesday, March 4, 2014


My son was right about more then one thing this morning. I should so make a list  (we are always big on lists at our house) and put on there who I am and what I would like my life to look like when it comes to friendships. So I am going to be brave and do it.

I am Colleen Constance Walkup Lee, referred to most in my life as Rosebud or Mommy.
I am in my 40's but don't feel a day over 20 most days.
I am a Christian first, and God takes the number 1 spot in my life.
I am a Wife 2nd, and I love my husband, sometimes to distraction, with every breath I take.
I am a Mom 3rd to 4 amazing young men, whom I would give my life for at any moment in time.
I am a daughter 4th and need to honor my parents.

I like a classic style and dress accordingly, fads do nothing for me. If I like it, I will always like it.

I try to dress modest but I do love my yoga pants and comfy sweatshirts.
Cozy function would be my motto for myself and my home.

I tend to mix old with new for a style as unique as I am in my home and my art is my life.
Photographs cover my walls and my decor, because there is nothing as beautiful as life.

I spend 20 minutes everyday in devotions and 20 minutes in prayer.
I learn something new everyday and sometimes it just comes bursting out of me in torrents of words.
I sing, used to sing all the time for the boys but now just for me. Music reflects my every mood.
I used to enjoy acting and then directing, but I prefer not to do it any longer after being burned by co-directors.
I am very good at directing and choreography as I can envision the whole picture in my head.
I stand up for what is right no matter what it costs me and it has cost me a lot in my life.

I am not confrontational but I am not afraid to hold my own in an argument.
I will protect any child or vulnerable person at any time from any abuse. It is the right thing to do.
I like to bake, and often get asked to do cakes for parties. If its a simple design I can do it and will do it.

I like to cook for barbecues or outings and I like to host them. Its just fun to try new foods and recipes.
I am fiercely loyal but will let you leave my life at any point if you choose to.
I like crafting but get bored easily and tend to never quite finish the whole projects.
I like to craft with other people, by myself is not very fun.
I like to read but lately my eye sight isn't the best and I hate reading glasses, they give me headaches.
I like to blog but tend to journal more because I don't think what I write is really worth reading.
I think A LOT. I have thoughts running in my head all the time about any and every subject under the sun.
I tend to always see a big picture, and this is why close friends say I am good at giving advice.
I never turn anyone who wants or needs my help away. Sometimes to my detriment.
I like to camp but really am ready to give up the tent and get a camper if my husband agrees.

I love campfires, sunsets, lake loons, and peaceful woods.
I love canoeing. Its is a passion of mine.
Fall is my favorite time of year, cozy sweaters and crisp Fall air just make me happy.
I love to ride motorcycle, and behind my husband on a bike is the greatest place on Earth.
I get motion sickness in/on EVERYTHING but a motorcycle. 

I like to dance, the Quick Step is my favorite.
I am an organizer freak, also a simplifier. Clutter drives me crazy- thus my parents house drives me batty.

I do not like to exercise any longer but used to run 3 to 4 miles a day before I had kids.
I love chocolate and any gooey dessert but they don't love me.
I would love to just be able to hang out with a friend and sip iced tea and talk for hours.
I would like to be able to call a friend when I am feeling low and just go for a walk to deal with the stress.
I love Victoria Secret underwear and 99% of the time my underwear will match my outfit, I have a crazy weird hang up about that - ask my Mom it started when I was 2. I HAVE TO match!
I laugh in this high pitched fake way when I am nervous and uncomfortable in a situation.  Its annoying!
I get uncomfortable in crowds or anywhere I have to be myself, but put me on a stage and I am fine.
I can perform in front of 100's of people and not break a sweat but if I have to meet 5 new people at a dinner party I panic and literally make myself ill.
I would love to know 2 or 3 couples that like to play cards and that we liked hanging out with. Enjoying each others company.
I don't drink. I am not opposed to it I just don't like the way it makes me feel.
I will have an occasional glass of wine or a mikes hard lemonade but thats rare and about all I can stomach.

I have a touchy stomach and have to be careful what I eat.
I do not drink soda except on very rare occasions, it tends to make me bloat and look 5 months pregnant.
I love rare and weird bottled water, and yep I will buy it as a treat for myself.
I have 4 wedding rings sitting in my jewelry box and wish I had the guts to sell them. (3 are from Paul)
My hands and fingers have grown from a ring size 4 when I got married to an 8 now 25 years later.

My boobs did not loose anything while breast feeding they grew all 4 times! From a size B to a DDD and I am not big enough around and have to go a band size bigger then I am to get a cup size to fit. Its annoying and one of my pet peeves!
I have had a hysterectomy, and honestly I think it was the best thing in life! I do not miss my uterus at all!
I never have had a gf in life that I share things with, I tend to be the one they all come to and I listen and fix.
It is very hard for me to be vulnerable in life. I tend to guard myself.
I have a I can do it attitude, and see things from the half glass full side.

I am quirky and need my alone time.
I get tired fast and exhaustion makes me cranky.

I love sex and enjoy a very healthy monogamous relationship.
I love hanging out with my husband, I swear he is my favorite person on this earth when he isn't annoying me.
My parents could drive me to drink, but I love them both faults and all.
I HATE being compared to my brother and sister. Yes, I know they are wonderful- I think so too and yes I also know I am nothing like either of them. In looks - actions- or politics. And yep I know I annoy the heck out of both of them fairly often.
I get called Shennon or Jason on almost a daily basis. And received a box full off pictures yesterday from my Mom of MY childhood only it was Shennon in almost all the pictures not me. :p lol
I know some people in my family feel I wasted my life by getting married and becoming a Mom without a career but I don't feel that way, and I really don't want a career. Never have.
I have worked and gone to school like any other person but I LIKE staying home and being a wife and Mommy, it was a choice I was lucky enough to have in life.
I am proud of my children. Very proud- probably too proud :p
I like hot Summer nights and skinny dipping under the full moon.
I want to own a lake cabin someday as a primary residence but as soon as retirement hits Paul and I want to own an RV and drive the country.
I dream to have a simple life full of laughter, where my kids want to come home to visit.

I want daughter-in-laws who are daughters and become family.
I look forward to being a Grandma but would understand if none of my boys want to bring a child into this World.
In a friend I want someone who loves the simple things of life. Celebrates the joys. Deals with the sorrows. And trusts God and his plan. Someone who knows they are 5th in my life and is okay with that and I am okay with being 5th in theirs. Someone who understands- life is not about us but about how much we make of the journey and the time given us. And someone who can have fun in the time in-between. :) And our husbands got along too would be awesome.
I don't know if I like ice fishing I have never been but I'd like to try.

I like fishing and Northern is my favorite all time meal!
I dont mind doing laundry, in fact I kinda like it.
I hate doing dishes!

I hate shopping in stores but like online shopping and finding the deals.
I do not carry my cell phone 24/7.
I bent over backwards for a 'daughter' in our lives and spent too many years of my life being her support when she didn't want to change any of her self destructive behaviors. It killed me but I am at peace with not trying to help any longer.
I have learned the hard lesson - that sometimes for your own health and well being its okay to walk away.

I can't save the world only God can, and I will continue to pray for those I have walked away from in hopes that he will.
I have learned you can't always trust, even those who call themselves your best friends sometimes stab you in the back. (a lesson learned in high school)
I still have nightmares about opening my locker in high school and finding a pair of panties covered in ketchup. 
I will always forgive, not for the person but for myself because I never want to be bitter.
I wish I understood my sister better.
I love my niece and nephew, just wish I was the cool Aunt, but I am not and thats ok.

I love hearing a few of my Aunts talk, being quiet and listening I have learned so many things I never knew.
I would love to find a cure for snoring husbands so I could once again sleep in life.
Picnics are one of my favorite past-times.
Knit blankets are a recent fetish.
Old Quilts are a passion and I love garage-sale-ing and flea market hunting to find them.
I have a closet full of quilts- it is my one and only clutter item of excess.
Each of my sons has memory books that have every award of newspaper article etc in them from birth.

I like murder mysteries and crime drama in TV shows.
I am addicted to one Reality Show and its Survivor~ I don't have a clue why, it has everything I hate in people in it. 
I read one smut book a month. (my Mom calls them that since I was little- it would be romance or erotica actually)
I do not like Politics and if asked I am probably a pretty straight Republican. Although I have voted differently in life but my values match up the best with that party.
I believe in the Bible and everything it says. I do not condemn though, I am not the judge- God is.
I have many people I consider friends from many walks of lives - I do not always agree with them or their lifestyles but I love them and accept them, unless it is hurting them to be in the situation then I will tell it like it is and let the fall out fall where it may. If it cost me a friendship- better that then costing them their life. 

I view living and moving so many places throughout my life as a adventurous blessing.
Every person I meet or have known has an ability to enrich my life- some through coming and others through leaving.

Aubrey Hepburn is my favorite actress and philanthropist of all time.
I have a favorite Aunt but I don't think she knows it and I would never tell her for fear of hurting the other many Aunts feelings.

I am still affected by the death of both Paul's parents under my care. They are both with me daily.
I am not fond of animals. I had 3 in my lifetime that I actually miss~ Zevia, Cynder, and Rufus.
I like to ride horse, but my husband hates it so I gave it up.
I married a guy 8 years older then I and I do not regret it!
I went through with a wedding when too many people to count told us it was a mistake and after 25 years, I would say following my gut was the better advise.

I count everyday as a Blessing and don't ever want to take it for granted.

I am sure there is so much more but I am done. Thats another thing- when I am done I am done. FINITO and theres no turning back. I have no problems making the tough unpopular decisions but if you treat me the way I treat you we will never have a problem.

Friendship for the Soul

It is so weird, friendship is so important when you are little and begin school. It wains in the years as we graduate and college and then our separate ways as we start careers and jobs and meet and marry our true best friends. As we build lives together and have children and go through the growing changing phases a=of life we let many friendships fade away due to busy lifestyles or time constraints and even moving and distance. People that used to know our thoughts and what we liked to do in life are now strangers in many ways. Life changes you. It molds you, and defines you. We travel everyday with new circumstances flowing in and out of our lives along with new people. We meet on a job or at a fund raiser or even at Church or across the street- in our lifetimes we will meet many new people without even trying. And then comes the days when the Children grow and move onto College and begin to move on with their lives and you are left standing looking at this man you have spent a lifetime with wondering- what did we do before kids? Who did we do things with? Where did we go?
I think everyone in this phase of life can identify with this. I am a stay at home Mom, my husband has worked 50 to 70 hour weeks for years and here we are, standing on the verge of having to be more then Mom or Dad. It has come to the time of life when we have to be actual people again, without our constant tag-alongs. So how do you start a life called middle age while still juggling having kids who call and need things along with taking on aging Parents who also need your time?
My son's answer to dealing with this is to start a friendship website. Where people put in their likes and dislikes and what they would like and expect out of a friendship, then the computer matches you with compatible people and you develop friendships within the group given to you. I am not so sure this would work. I think the differences in a friendship are sometimes the things that bind you the most but I have to admit his idea has left me wondering of the possibilities. In this electronic social media age, I can totally see this working. No messing around and surprises when someone turns out to be not what you expected, but then again isn't that when our learning begins and our lives change as we discover things about one another that change our view points and little by little change us? Molding us into a more tolerant, wiser person (at least in theory).
I can put out there for the World to see who I think I am and what others have said about me or my strengths but isn't that all just a point of view that isn't going to be seen necessarily the same by someone who has different life experiences? I could tell you the stories of my life and maybe you could see why I have become who I am but there again my stories are colored by my perspective. Feelings of the moment, emotions at the time add so much to our life's experiences and color our views- you can't share those, they are uniquely yours. So in the end like it or not it isn't easy to make true friends any easier when your in your 40's and 50's then it was when you were 3 and 4.